July 03, 2007

Rage Against the Machine

First, to answer a few recent questions:

1. It's summer. It's hot out. The beard had to go. (But for the record, the picture below of me with Seinfeld's puffy shirt is from like 2 years ago...hence I look less fat)

2. I have nothing against hand soap in general. But I do think it's time for liquid soap to go. Foaming soap is the wave of the future. And not in the same way that those lame Dip'N'Dots claim to be. Ice cream of the future my ass. Foaming soap is easier to use, does a more thorough and effective job, and saves water and time. That liquid/gel crap aggravates me with its very existence.

For all my whining and ranting, not many things truly enrage me. I'm really a fairly mellow guy. At least I think. But I admit today I had an episode of true rage. A few weeks ago I received a ticket for rolling through a stop sign near my house. Today was my court date. As you might expect, the judge was a dick and stuck me with the fine. Still, I confess I am ashamed of the explosion of anger I unleashed on my car's steering wheel after the hearing.

Certainly part of my anger stems from the fact that, as a graduate student, I just can't really afford to pay 91 freaking dollars for a ticket. But I think what makes me more mad is that I was issued the ticket in the first place. As a law abiding citizen, I can't help but feel that my 25 years of exemplary obedience to the law should earn me some leniency. While the officer was giving me a ticket for an extremely minor infraction, I can't help but wonder what other actual crimes were being committed. Believe me, I understand why the law exists and must be enforced. I understand I bent said law. And I am not trying to plead "oh, why do bad things happen to good people?" But even with all that said, I'm not going to feel that the punishment I endured was fair.

I can't wait for the 4th of July. I've decided to celebrate my independence by smoking a Cuban cigar. Suck on that Albemarle County.


Hal said...

Sorry about the ticket. What, you think they just wait for rich people to run red lights?

I'm no fan of the "foamy" soap. It strikes me as part of the trend to do everything for you in the bathroom.

First, it was toilets that flushed themselves. Then sinks that activate by motion. Then paper towel dispensers or air dryers as well. Now they even have motion detector soap dispensers. And the foamy soap? Well, since you're already too lazy to turn a knob or pull a lever, you must be too lazy to work that liquid into a lather. We'll take care of that for you.

The only thing keeping it from being a hands-free experience is that you actually have to unzip your own pants. I guess the next step is to create a urinal that pulls your pride and joy out for you.

Good luck calibrating the shake.

Hal said...

Illustrating my point:


Anonymous said...

Sorry about the ticket, man. Johnathan and I feel you-- in one weekend alone, we racked up $271 worth of speeding tickets.