In Search of The Belch

I must needs learn to belch. And by that I mean several things. For starters, many of you know I was recently cast as Sir Toby Belch in the UVA Drama Dept. presentation of Twelfth Night. If you did not know it - now you do; it is not too late to congratulate me. And it is never too late to purchase your tickets for the show. Correction: after the show is too late. But I diverge! My point is that I must learn to Belch (that is, to be Sir Belch, and to... burp). There comes a point in every man's life when he must learn the seductive art of the unassisted burp. Typically this comes at about age 12 or 13. Unfortunately, this is one skill my father failed to pass on to me. So now am I a 25 year old belchless man. I have looked for help online and found none that was actually helpful. And every person I've asked has told me the same thing - swallow air. Well kiss my blog-o-butt (did I perhaps finally coin a new blog lingo?), I don't know what the crap that means. And I've nearly gagged myself trying. I am determined to learn this skill over the next month. So if any of you have any helpful advice that does not include the phrase "swallow air" please send it my way.

Also...um... did I mention I'm engaged?!