May 09, 2008

Goin' to Chicago

You keep your New York joys
I'm going to Illinois
just as fast as I can

Not much to say this evening (or rather too much) but thought I'd let ya'll know that I'm off early in the mornin' tomorrow to my little Chi-town. Going to spend the week visiting friends (The Expert and his wife, MLE, Sameezy, etc.) and family (my sister Arbusta and her husband Cpt. Smith). The other main events include checking out a Be The Groove performance Monday morning and of course - the impetus for the trip - the Boomshaka spring show Thursday night. Am very excited. After the stress of the dissertation, in conjunction with other exceedingly stressful life events, I am quite looking forward to a vacation. Will be sure to update from the road (figuratively) if anything noteworthy goes down.

It's the best in the mid-west
it's a real darn city full of good folks who come from home
and when I get back, I'll never roam far
from my little Chi-town
well goodbye farewell
I'ma see you later


----------------
Now playing: Kurt Elling - Goin' To Chicago
via FoxyTunes

May 02, 2008

One time, OK, see, one time (part 9)

OK, see, one time, in the cafeteria, Randy Beaman was eating a baloney sandwich, then Jason made this gross noise -- thpt! -- and Randy Beaman laughed so hard baloney came out his nose!

Really!
'K, bye.

May 01, 2008

Just Call Me Dr. Church

I did it!!

I am no longer blogging as Doctor Church. Now I shall blog as Dr. Doctor Church! (Or perhaps Dr. Church Ph.D.) The committee put up a good fight yesterday, but I could not be denied. The papers have been signed and my Ph.D. is finally complete.

The presentation went for about 45-50 minutes with minimal interruptions (certainly less than my proposal presentation). Afterwards, a freakin third of my audience (of 15) asked questions. I was a little surprised at so many questions from the public - but I handled them well I believe. Next, the committee chair kicked the public out and the sparring session began. I immediately reminded myself that in order to be granted a Ph.D. I had to exhibit true American academic elitism. In other words, in response to each question from my committee, I endeavored to make the person feel foolish for asking such a meaningless question regarding my impeccable, indisputable, irrevocable work. (I'm sure Dubs will be great at this part when his time comes.) Finally, after about an hour of questions I was dismissed as the committee deliberated. Ten minutes later I was congratulated and asked to sign the final forms...oh yeah, and forced to undergo some Ph.D. hazing at the hands of my committee. I can't say much as I've been sworn to secrecy, but I will say it involved a paddle, several laboratory mice, a CO2 laser, and several shots of s'more flavored schnapps. It was kind of like this.

The hard part being over, the rest of the day was beautiful. I went to lunch with TinRoof, my officemates Fuoco and Phlogiston, my advisor H-bomb, and my dad - who had driven in from StL the day before to surprise me. After lunch, my dad, TR, and I visited a few local wineries as it was a b-e-a-utiful day here in Virginny, had a delicious dinner at Downtown Thai, and dessert at the Melting Pot. The plan had been to hit up The Corner that night for some celebratory revelry but we were so exhausted and full that we called it a night. I suppose I'll have to wait for another night to streak the lawn.

I must say, it feels incredible to be done - especially given my distaste for research. And don't worry, I may not be bored in grad school anymore, but I'll still be blogging - maybe more - as I currently have no job. Speaking of that....uh... can any of you spare some change?

April 18, 2008

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

Two posts in one day? Unheard of! But check it. I was reading this article about what the world will be like 50 years from now. Just a bunch of random people guessing about scientific inventions and advances in medicine, etc. I enjoy pondering that from time to time (after all, I enjoyed Star Trek back in the day). But what makes this article blog worthy is that someone predicted that having cats as pets will be a thing of the past! Glory! This article gives me more hope than Obama!
Diseases ranging from Alzheimer's and Parkinson's to schizophrenia and bipolar disorder will be shown to be caused by infectious agents that take advantage of genetic predisposition, says psychiatrist E. Fuller Torrey, president of the Treatment Advocacy Center. Researchers will be surprised to find that many of those infectious agents are being transmitted from animals to humans. As a result, it will be uncommon to keep cats, birds or hamsters as pets - but we'll still have dogs around, because they've been "man's best friend" for so long that we've already adjusted to their infectious agents.

Wait for me... while I tie my shoe.

While I'm waiting for my defense slides to compile (stupid LaTeX) I thought I'd work on a post.

It's 12 days till my defense. I can't help but feel I should be more nervous and much busier than I currently am. I turned in my dissertation to my advisor early last week. He's dodged me since then. I saw him this Tuesday and the conversation went something like this:

Advisor: Well, I finished that grant proposal I've been working on. I'm pretty happy with it. I guess now I need to read your dissertation. When's it due to the committee?
Me: Tomorrow.
Advisor: Hmmm. Well, let's see. You defend April 29th?
Me: April 30th.
Advisor: We can turn it in Monday. That will still give them plenty of time.
Me: If you say so.

So, yeah. I still haven't received his final edits. I am tempted to be worried about this as he could swoop in and propose tons of changes - but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the document is tight enough. In the meantime, as I've said, I'm working on the slides for my defense. It's actually frustratingly difficult trying to decide what to include. Describing 4 years and 135 pages in 45 minutes is not simple.

In other news - I went to a Graduate Engineering Keg Kill last night. It was essentially Mechanical and Aerospace Engineers versus Biomedical and Systems Engineers. I am ashamed to report - MAE lost. I admit though, I personally wasn't playing to win. (I needed more motivation than winning bragging rights.) Still, props to Rookie and Duda for hosting an enjoyable evening. After all, how could I graduate from an institution such as UVA without having helped kill a keg of crappy, crappy beer?

Afterwards, I headed home and caught the new episodes of 30 Rock, The Office, and Scrubs. For those who care - I'm still freaking out about The Office episode. Soooo incredible. I have long been worried that the writers would try to force Pam and Jim into some sort of Ross & Rachel, overly dramatic, tumultuous relationship. After all, the tension between P & J essentially drove the series for the first several seasons. Creating more push-pull or negative drama between them would keep us all glued ever week. But honestly, I've never felt that's what we all wanted. For once we'd like to see the happy couple get together and stay together. It does happen in the real world you know. And the show will still be funny. I'm ecstatic that it appears the writers aren't afraid to walk down that road (though I admit I am still suspicious as it seems too good to be true.)

OK. The new slides are done. I'm going to mock-defend to see how much I've got so far.

March 26, 2008

March 25, 2008

The Dissertating Goeth On

For those of you keeping track I thought I'd offer a quick update on my progress (i.e. my prospects for departing graduate school). As you might have surmised from my post at the end of last month, things have been busy and tense. Just a few weeks ago my advisor suggested the possibility of pushing off my defense (thus preventing me from graduating in May). I attempted to make it clear that the suggestion did not thrill me. Well, either I got through or he had a change of heart. I am happy to report that things are finally on schedule. My defense is scheduled for April 30th - which means my dissertation is due 3 weeks from tomorrow. The dissertation itself is starting to take shape and my advisor has now made a first pass through editing the body chapters - without proposing major changes. (I have yet to decide whether this is because my work and writing are good - or simply because he realizes we don't have a lot of time for major revisions. I hope it's the former.) I've been working some fairly long hours and the weekends have begun to disappear but on the bright side, I can truly say I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I am finally letting myself get my hopes up that, yes, I will become Dr. Church Ph.D. in the near future. Then begins the next big challenge... becoming gainfully employed...

March 06, 2008

Smoking to the Glory of God

by Jamey Bennett

Note: While this is an anecdotal defense of smoking, its implications carry out to drinking as well.

"I have to laugh when I think of the first cigar because it was probably just a bunch of rolled-up tobacco leaves." - Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey


Many of us Christians have an uncanny ability to maintain unbiblical taboos that suggest that we are much holier, wiser, and more spiritual than God Himself. One such taboo is smoking. Though the Scriptures never utter a word to denounce moderate smoking, I grew up in circles where it was not uncommon to hear things like, "I can't believe he smokes; I thought he was a Christian." I probably said it myself. As if the Christian life could be summed up in the phrase, "Don't smoke, drink or chew or go with girls who do."1 Many churches bind the Christian's conscience when God has not.

Charles Spurgeon (1834-1892), the noteworthy British Baptist preacher, was very much a lover of smoking. Some estimate he enjoyed a cigar a day. Between 1826 and 1830, England went from importing 26 pounds of cigars per year, to 250,000 pounds!2 This over-night popularity of cigars did not go unnoticed by the legalists of his time. One man, who was rather disturbed upon hearing that Spurgeon was a smoker, asked him if this was the truth. Spurgeon, always wielding a sharp wit, replied, "I cultivate my flowers and burn my weeds."3 I suppose Spurgeon would gladly affirm what G.K. Chesterton said somewhere: "I will submit to cigars."

John Piper recounts another humorous situation that the Prince of Preachers found himself in.4 Spurgeon said to a Methodist critic, "If I ever find myself smoking to excess, I promise I shall quit entirely."
"What would you call smoking to excess?" the man asked.
"Why, smoking two cigars at the same time!" was the answer.

One day Spurgeon was to go on "an excursion" with some of his young students from his church. The men arrived happy and early, cigars and pipes lit, "looking forward to a day of unrestrained enjoyment." 5 As Spurgeon hopped into his seat, he acted astonished, and said: "What, gentlemen! Are you not ashamed to be smoking so early?" Each student, looking rather dismayed, put out his cigar or pipe one by one. No sooner had they put away their treats than Spurgeon pulled out his cigar case and began puffing away delightfully. All were confused and astonished. One brave soul spoke, "I thought you said you objected to smoking, Mr. Spurgeon?" Spurgeon had them where he wanted them, so he dropped the punch line. "Oh no, I did not say I objected. I asked if they were not ashamed, and it appears they were, for they have all put their pipes away."

Spurgeon's smoking encounters were not always full of such amusement, however. One Sunday in 1874, Spurgeon preached a sermon on the "sinfulness of little sins." He had a guest minister in the audience that night, visiting from America, and so he asked the preacher to come to the pulpit to give a life application of the sermon. To Spurgeon's dismay, the preacher spoke voraciously against "the sin of smoking tobacco, especially in the form of cigars." After kindly listening to this lamentable sermon application, Spurgeon arose and addressed the issue more sanely. Here are his words:

Well, dear friends, you know that some men can do to the glory of God what to other men would be sin. And notwithstanding what brother Pentecost has said, I intend to smoke a good cigar to the glory of God before I go to bed to-night.

If anybody can show me in the Bible the command, "Thou shalt not smoke," I am ready to keep it; but I haven't found it yet. I find ten commandments, and it's as much as I can do to keep them; and I've no desire to make them into eleven or twelve.

The fact is, I have been speaking to you about real sins, not about listening to mere quibbles and scruples. At the same time, I know that what a man believes to be sin becomes a sin to him, and he must give it up. "Whatsoever is not of faith is sin" [Rom. 14:23], and that is the real point of what my brother Pentecost has been saying.

Why, a man may think it a sin to have his boots blacked. Well, then, let him give it up, and have them whitewashed. I wish to say that I'm not ashamed of anything whatever that I do, and I don't feel that smoking makes me ashamed, and therefore I mean to smoke to the glory of God.

This statement of Spurgeon's actually launched a huge controversy in London. The influential pastor was on the receiving end of not a few attacks from friends, foes, and newspaper goofballs. But Spurgeon believed one cannot bind another's conscience where God has not.

I've often said that when a fundamentalist pastor comes to the house, it's time to hide the beer. But when a reformational pastor pays you a visit, you'd better get out the ales! The same thing could easily be said about cigars. Offer a cigar to a fundamentalist and you're likely to get kicked to the curb quicker than Jackie Chan. Offer one to a reformational minister and you'll be the guest of honor at the next church potluck.6

When he invited a minister from America to say a few words, Spurgeon was quite disappointed with the man's legalistic stance on tobacco. Spurgeon's words launched a widespread controversy that he thought was rather unnecessary. Because "the matter was widely discussed both in the newspapers and in private circles," "Spurgeon addressed a letter to the Daily Telegraph with a view of scattering any misapprehension which might arise."

In his letter, he wrote:

I demur altogether and most positively to the statement that to smoke tobacco is in itself a sin. It may become so, as any other indifferent action may, but as an action it is no sin. … There is a growing up in society a Pharisaic system which adds to the commands of God the precepts of men: to that system I will not yield for an hour. The preservation of my liberty may bring upon me the upbraidings of many good men, and the sneers of the self-righteous; but I shall endure both with serenity so long as I feel clear in my conscience before God. … I am told that my open avowal will lessen my influence and my reply is that if I have gained any influence through being thought different from what I am, I have no wish to retain it. I will do nothing upon the sly, and nothing about which I have a doubt.

What these unbiblical taboos are can be summed up in one word: legalism. Dr. Kim Riddlebarger argues, "There is nothing in Scripture which teaches that one must discontinue the use of alcoholic beverages or tobacco in order to become a Christian. It is simply not anywhere in the text."7 Riddlebarger is operating on the assumption that we have no right to impose any moral standards, whatsoever that are not "either expressly set down in Scripture, or by good and necessary consequence may be deduced from Scripture."8 The Scriptures seem to have a huge problem with adding to or taking away from the commandments of God. Riddlebarger continues, "We're putting false obstacles in the way of unbelievers when we put these man-made rules in their path and tell them becoming a Christian is stopping doing this that and the other. That's a false gospel."

The Westminster Confession of Faith booms loudly the truth of this point:

God alone is Lord of the conscience and has left it free from the doctrines and commandments of men which are—in anything—contrary to his Word, or which—in matters of faith or worship—are in addition to it. Therefore, anyone who believes such doctrines or obeys such commands out of conscience betrays true liberty of conscience. The requiring of an implicit faith, and an absolute and blind obedience, destroys both liberty of conscience and reason.9

It would be wise for Christians to avoid upholding the commandments of men as the commandments of God. God has granted us a liberty to be free from the commandments and precepts of men. The Apostle Paul told us that it was for freedom that Christ has set us free! He goes on to admonish us not to submit to a yoke of slavery (Gal. 5:1). Peter also warned of putting a yoke on the neck of the disciples (Acts 15:10). Why should we accept a yoke of slavery when Christ has set us free, especially for something that God has not forbidden? We must be diligent in our obedience to the word of God, in both observing the law and maintaining our liberty in things indifferent.

The Son of Man came eating and drinking; and if God has blessed us as such, we should too. We should delight in the gifts of God! When we smoke our cigars, our hearts should praise the Lord and giver of all good things. We ought to be grateful to God in our smoking and careful to avoid excess; as we should in all things indifferent, be they Twinkies, Trix, or table salt. Paul advises us to glorify God in all that we do, including our eating and drinking (1 Cor. 10:31). "No Christian should do anything," says Spurgeon, "in which he cannot glorify God: and this may be done, according to Scripture, in eating and drinking and the common actions of life."

And before I go to bed tonight, I shall smoke a cigar to glory of God.

This article originally appeared on the old RazorMouth.com.