Hysterical pregnancy

The joke about university student health services seems to be that no matter what you come in with, you've either got mono or are pregnant. Though awkwardly enough, a friend of mine who was recently hospitalized with mono had doctors suggest to him he might also have HIV. They asked him if he was involved in any needle drug use. He laughed. And then the doctors had my friend's mother leave the room so they could ask him if he was involved in any "risky" sex. I suppose this sounds less funny than it did when he told it to us at Bible study last week.

Annnyway... I've been feeling pretty crappy the past several days. (No worries, I didn't make out with my mono-friend. He's a dude.) I'm not really sure what I've got though. Maybe the mumps. I hear UVA has had a bad outbreak of those this semester. I blame the undergrads. Whatever it is, I hope it goes away by Friday when I head home. I hate being sick over vacation. And for some reason I have a great deal of experience with the phenomenon. Two years ago I was hospitalized with the flu just before new years. I spent New Years Eve by myself eating ice chips and drinking Sprite. Woot. Anyhow, I have a lovely Christmas song to share with you all. But I think I'll save that for tomorrow. I think my 3 hours in the office are enough for today.

Doctor: Mr. Burns, I'm afraid you are the sickest man in the United States. You have everything.
Burns: You mean I have pneumonia?
Doctor: Yes.
Burns: Juvenile diabetes?
Doctor: Yes.
Burns: Hysterical pregnancy?
Doctor: Uh, a little bit, yes. You also have several diseases that have just been discovered -- in you.
Burns: I see. You sure you haven't just made thousands of mistakes?