Lemon Poop

I've railed before against restaurant waiters putting a lemon slice in my water when I did not request it. After all, had I wanted lemonade, I'd have ordered it. And I most certainly wouldn't order watered down lemonade - which is what it tastes like when my water is polluted with a lemon slice. Well it turns out, lemon may not be the only pollutant that comes with this slice. A health study recently came out (admittedly, by a researcher at a community college) which examined the rind and pulp of 76 lemons served on water glasses at various restaurants in New Jersey. Some of her findings....

A total of 25 different types of germs were found on 53 out of the 76 lemons that were sampled. Some were fecal in origin (either from dirty fingertips of the restaurant employees, or from meat-contaminated cutting boards and knives), while others were types commonly found in saliva, on the skin and in the environment.

One sample had six different microorganisms on it, three of which are found in fecal material. Although some lemon slices had germs either only on the rind or only on the pulp, 29 percent had germs on both sites. In 15 instances the germs on the pulp were completely different from those on the rind, indicating that the pulp had been in contact with a contaminated surface as or after it was sliced. Sometimes when more than one lemon was sampled during a single restaurant visit, different germs were found on each.

Perhaps I will admit defeat and begin requesting "water with no lemon" even though I'll know inside I should not have to utter the words "with no lemon". I'd rather speak up and have less poop in my water.

Lemon Water

Let me tell you something that drives me nuts (for, what good are blogs if not as an outlet for childish complaining). I can't stand it when I go to a restaurant and ask for water but instead am brought back supremely watered down lemonade. Now, I know there are those of you who enjoy a slice of lemon on their water glass - and that's fine. But when I ask for a water, I expect to receive only water. If I wanted lemonade, I would order it. And if a lemonade was delivered to me that tasted as watered down as the lemon-water which is so often served in place of water, I would send it back.

Now, this is something I've loathed for some time. But what prompted the blog was this weekend's meals with TinRoof's grandmother, Gan. At each restaurant, Gan would ask the waiter for "water with lemon" and I would ask for "water". And each time, we were both brought the same thing: lemon-polluted-water. I briefly thought, perhaps when I order my drink, I should clarify - "water without lemon". But then I thought, screw that! Why should I be the one who has to clarify? I think Gan had it right when she ordered - she specified exactly what she wanted - just as I did. But only one of us was listened to.

If only I were able to be a jerk in real life (not just on my blog), maybe I would send back my "water" and ask for a water.

Horrible Green Monster

Alright so the title is slightly misleading. Give me a break, I don't blog that much anymore. My creativity has been drained by my advisor who deems it unnecessary for academic research. For example, earlier this week - he had me scan a 200+ page document and create a ginormous pdf for him. Man was that a fun time. But what really has me irked at the present (and has inspired this blog's title) is my apartment community's landscapers. These guys come bright and early to get their work done. And as a result - they wake up my lazy grad-student-ass quite abruptly and... annoyingly (is that a word?). Look, I know people with real jobs are up by 8am. But what about those of us who don't go to work until 10...ish? Are we not entitled to wake at our leisure without the sounds of weed whackers, lawn mowers, and leaf blowers? Not to mention the fact that these guys for some reason seem to think it makes sense to blow off the sidewalks by blowing all the clippings and crap onto my front porch! Keep up the good work, jerks.

Rage Against the Machine

First, to answer a few recent questions:

1. It's summer. It's hot out. The beard had to go. (But for the record, the picture below of me with Seinfeld's puffy shirt is from like 2 years ago...hence I look less fat)

2. I have nothing against hand soap in general. But I do think it's time for liquid soap to go. Foaming soap is the wave of the future. And not in the same way that those lame Dip'N'Dots claim to be. Ice cream of the future my ass. Foaming soap is easier to use, does a more thorough and effective job, and saves water and time. That liquid/gel crap aggravates me with its very existence.

For all my whining and ranting, not many things truly enrage me. I'm really a fairly mellow guy. At least I think. But I admit today I had an episode of true rage. A few weeks ago I received a ticket for rolling through a stop sign near my house. Today was my court date. As you might expect, the judge was a dick and stuck me with the fine. Still, I confess I am ashamed of the explosion of anger I unleashed on my car's steering wheel after the hearing.

Certainly part of my anger stems from the fact that, as a graduate student, I just can't really afford to pay 91 freaking dollars for a ticket. But I think what makes me more mad is that I was issued the ticket in the first place. As a law abiding citizen, I can't help but feel that my 25 years of exemplary obedience to the law should earn me some leniency. While the officer was giving me a ticket for an extremely minor infraction, I can't help but wonder what other actual crimes were being committed. Believe me, I understand why the law exists and must be enforced. I understand I bent said law. And I am not trying to plead "oh, why do bad things happen to good people?" But even with all that said, I'm not going to feel that the punishment I endured was fair.

I can't wait for the 4th of July. I've decided to celebrate my independence by smoking a Cuban cigar. Suck on that Albemarle County.

Google has 2 o's only

Does anyone else hate Google Images? I find it extremely obnoxious. When I am searching for a picture, I don't want to go to the web page the picture can be found on. I want to see only the picture. But Google has that stupid 2 inch bar that shows up at the top of the page. And then if you actually want to see a decent size shot, you either have to scroll through the website below or you have to click again on the thumbnail. Stupid. Just stupid.

I guess there's nothing left to do but provide you all with a picture or two...

TinRoof and I with The Expert and his wife in Chi-town at a Sox game.

Me and Seinfeld's puffy shirt. It's in the freaking Smithsonian.

P.S. I bought the newest Kurt Elling CD this weekend. It is absolutely ridiculous. If you like jazz - go buy it right now.

I'm once again blind

I just returned from the eye "doctor" and my pupils have been dilated so I can barely read what I type. But I just wanted to blog some additional rage over this whole thing. I just paid nearly 100 dollars to someone to tell me that my prescription has in fact not changed in the past year. I tried to pry a decent explanation from her as to why the exam was necessary. She gave no reasonable excuse and then blamed state law. I say the state must be in the pocket of Big Eye-Ball. Still, it was nice of her to blind me (by dilating my pupils) before robbing me.

I once was blind

but that was a long time ago. I've been wearing glasses or contacts since 6th grade.

This morning I attempted to order a year's supply of contacts online. I just received an email saying that my order was placed on hold because my prescription has expired. And suddenly I felt something welling up inside me. A feeling. One that can only be described as... rage. Why on earth do I need a freaking prescription to buy contacts? It's not like they're some kind of drug that I'm going to sell to local teenagers who are looking for a cheap way to get their kicks. Nor am I going to smuggle them to Canada (they probably get them free up there anyway). They're freaking contacts! And if I know what kind I need, why should I be forced to pay an eye doctor money I don't have to tell me what I already know? Perhaps a better question is, why would an optical prescription expire? Oh right, so the eye doctors have a chance to gouge me. What kind of a scam are the optometrists running here? I imagine I could attempt to plead my case with them - that I'm a grad student and therefore have zero expendable income and am quite content with my current prescription. But even in my imagination, I am rebuffed and told to make an appointment and pony up the cash so I can have the delicate genius sign a sheet with the same damn prescription as my current little sheet that is apparently no longer valid.

Ugh. Sorry about that. Stay tuned though. I have tales from the camping trip this weekend.