January 26, 2007

Are you not entertained?

First off, I'd like to say I'm disappointed at the lack of audience participation this week. I was really excited to hear what some of you would say if you were the first person on Mars (cough cough Dubs cough Sandals). But I guess ya'll weren't interested. Well perhaps you'd rather I blog about politics....

Uh... the state of the union happened this week. It .. uh... was boring and I left after the first half and went to South Street for a beer instead.

Or maybe I could blog about the news...

A U.N. panel on climate change is set to give its strongest warning yet that human use of fossil fuels is stoking global warming. Of course this is nothing new to me, but I know I'll probably get posts from a relative or two telling me that the consensus of the 2,500 scientists who drafted this report is grossly exaggerated by the liberal media and that no credible link has yet been made between human actions and global climate change. Then if I really wanted to make them mad at me, I'd drop links like these on them: One Two (three?)

Or I could blog about sports...

...that is... once spring training begins. God how I miss baseball.

Maybe I'll just stick to what I'm best at - blogging about nonsense...

I hate umbrellas and here are some reasons why:
  1. It's another thing you have to carry around with you... just in case.
  2. They don't even do that great of a job usually. Your upper third perhaps stays a little drier but the rest of you still gets wet. The only way to get proper coverage is with an enormous umbrella which leads to...
  3. They are unwieldy in windy situations. You have to hang on so tight it's not even worth the struggle. I let go of an umbrella in a storm a few years ago and haven't used one since. I just gave up on them.
  4. It's just freaking water! We bathe in the stuff. We drink it. We're 80% made up of it. Why are we suddenly so scared of it?
  5. Wear a freaking rain coat. Most people already are wearing one in a rainy situation - so what's the purpose of an umbrella? Oh right, you forgot how to use the HOOD.
I have spoken.

6 comments:

Nobrainer said...

In class, did we ever examine the heat contribution to the world due directly to the energy release of fossil fuels?

Releasing all those BTUs should have some effect. Right?

Dr. Church said...

No, but according to The Matrix the human body generates more bio-electricity than a 120-volt battery and over 25000 BTU's of body heat. So... that's something.

Rach said...

I'm just not witty enough to come up with a "first-Mars" expression. =(

Hal said...

Look, I'm agnostic when it comes to global warming and what not. I realize I don't have the training or wherewithall to get into the research and look at data and say, "Oh! Here's the answer! Here's where it went wrong!"

But I do know when science is being done by media blitz and not by, well, science. When the only people who get play in the news are the ones who say, "We're right, anyone with brains agrees with us, and those who say otherwise can STFU," I start to think that something weird might be happening.

Think back 30 years. Thirty years ago, the "consensus" was global cooling. We were supposed to be watching Mexico get covered in ice by now. There was supposed to be such a shortage of food that we'd be herding yeti for sustenance. But it didn't happen.

I'm just saying, if that's what the "experts" were saying then, maybe, just maybe, we might want to carefully consider things before we bring civilization to a screeching halt because some people decided that man had omnipotent control over nature.

And seriously, since when has the UN been the reliable, credible source on anything?

Dubs said...

Wait, so the rest of you aren't herding yeti?

Damn, what am I supposed to do with all these yeti farms I scattered all over Madison?

Hal said...

http://www.daybydaycartoon.com/2007/01/30/#a003992

Also, Dubs, I recommend you transform those farms into yeti-fur coats. Nothing makes a lady swoon like a classy jacket sewn from the hide of a hideous snow-beast.